November 29, 1930 continued - August 7, 1933
commercially made, unlined white paper
13 1/2 x 12 1/8 inches
remoteness in the aspect of all things – houses seem smaller and set further apart –
I pause in the swamps by a ruller shrub – something in the appearance of its grain painted twigs glistening in the sun, the sparkling snow dust falling aslant it, caused me to realize with a sudden rush of feeling how far away from the seep subtle moods of nature I have withdrawn during the last ten years – my struggle will be to regain the old intimacy.
Instead of as usual walking down the extreme east track,
I crossed several tracks and went down the middle or main road – the ground was lower here, and it seemed I was in a new country – the brisk walk down to theClinton Rd.was a physical pleasure. Down here to get home I had to crawl under innumerable strings of freight cars – a proceeding which in spite of their quietness and the remote probability of their moving, filled me with a vague apprehension –
Dec, 21, 1930–
The zero hour of the year – quite fittingly a heavy blanket of clouds obscured the sun and sky from the earth – it is twilight atnoon–
I fell to brooding over all my artistic misdeeds of the past eight years – what sins I have committed-
Self-satisfaction-
Smugness over a little flurry of material success
Thinking “What will the public think of this picture?”
Using worn out tricks of representation- To what depths have I not fallen – can I get out of the pit unscathed?